"A discussion of death is always a discussion of life." - Rebekka James, certified life-cycle celebrant, caregiver and Death Café facilitator
Fiction often mimics life. In this fall’s One Book, One Village title, The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer, the main character, Clover, frequents a Death Café at her local public library to share with others her thoughts and feelings about death. The Arlington Heights Memorial Library also hosts Death Cafés and if these programs had a so-called leading person, it would be Rebekka James.
James facilitates the library’s Death Cafés. It’s a role she has had since 2019 when the library held its first death café and introduced the concept and death positive movement to the Arlington Heights community. Since then, the library has hosted some 20 Death Café programs. The average group size is 10 to 12 people, typically all strangers coming together to talk about death. Some are repeats while others participate for the first time. At the helm and heart of every one of these thoughtful discussions about death has been James.
On October 24, James will join the library’s One Book, One Village author live in conversation in the library’s Hendrickson Room. Together, the two will share insights on Clover and how taking risks and talking about death may just lead us to live a more full and beautiful life. Here is a preview.
From your professional lens, what do you think of the book?
“It is wonderful! I love all the themes the author weaves together. Mikki Brammer did a beautiful job of creating a story about death and life that hits many light notes, is accessible, and is also stocked with likeable characters. The protagonist has the unique job of death doula. Death doulas often attend cafés, and I’ve learned about their beautiful, nuanced work with the dying and their presence in support of the families. It’s a deeply meaningful and needed role. And it sparks a lot of interest for those contemplating this chapter in their own lives or with loved ones.”
What drives people’s curiosity around the death positive movement?
“There is a common phrase heard in the death positive movement, ‘Death is the last taboo subject.’ I think death actually isn’t a taboo subject! It feels like one because most of us harbor fears around this big, unknown mystery. What people often discover is that being open about death shows us something about the way we live and lets us question how we want to live. Sharing thoughts and feelings about mortality can lead to positive discovery, new direction, even changes in outlook.”
What do you hope people learn from the main character Clover?
“Clover has her own journey and evolution throughout this story. She’s a little bit of an introvert and likes to be alone. There is a recurring theme of vulnerability in the book, which a lot of us may relate to, especially having come through the pandemic which made us more home centric. I think the novel asks, ‘What are the costs and the rewards of opening up to others; what are the risks?’ This theme is universal, and watching Clover go through this very slow and graceful process may inspire readers to move toward more open connections with others.”
As part of One Book this year, the library has put together an affirmation calendar of daily inspirational quotes. What are some of your favorite sayings?
“Well, for starters, a discussion of death is always a discussion of life. It is what I have learned from all the beautiful, brave souls who come to Death Café. I’ve seen it happen, and it has been part of my experience and part of my group’s experience. There is often laughter in a Death Café because talking about death can be so relieving and affirming. A quote from Jon Underwood, the founder of Death Café, is that the purpose of the cafes is to ‘help us make the most of our finite lives.’ I think all of us can find a path to living our own beautiful lives and living them fully.”
Interested in hearing more? An Evening with Mikki Brammer will take place on October 24, 7-9 p.m. Watch the livestream on YouTube on the library's YouTube page at youtube.com/@LibVlog. Sponsored by the Friends of the Library.