Part I -- Widow -- Middle age -- Hiding -- Remain upright -- The equivalence of loss -- The math packet -- The word "suicide" -- It's about time -- Controlling the narrative -- No imminent risk -- The luckiest girl (12 years earlier) -- The last day -- Part II -- The widowhood effect -- A party for dad -- Could I have stopped it? -- The other Rachel -- Anticipation and disappointment -- Food is love -- The illusion of calm -- Warning signs -- The video -- Vertigo -- Landmines -- The note -- Reading between the lines -- The bridge -- Out of control -- Leonard -- Part III -- To the rescue -- A potential guy -- The white coat -- Dreaming of "another life" -- What you've missed -- Chemistry -- Whatever makes you feel good -- Our stories -- Detours -- The last party -- Lucky again (a marriage of deep summer) -- Epilogue the good in what remains

"When a state trooper appeared at Rachel Zimmerman's door to report that her husband had jumped to his death off a nearby bridge, she fell to her knees, unable to fully absorb the news. How could her husband, a devoted father and robotics professor at MIT, have committed such a violent act? How would she explain this to her young daughters? And could she have stopped him? A longtime journalist, she probed obsessively, believing answers would help her survive. She interviewed doctors, suicide researchers and a man who jumped off the same bridge and lived. Us, After examines domestic devastation and resurgence, digging into the struggle between public and private selves, life's shifting perspectives, the work of motherhood, and the secrets we keep. In thismemoir, Zimmerman confronts the unimaginable and discovers the good in what remains"--