Too much thinking, pondering, wondering drives me insane. The anger, the rage in me - fuck, I've caused so much pain. Pill for this, pill for that, I blame the system back then for the way I act. Life's fucked up, it's so damn depressing with my personality disorder that I've been suppressing. They say they'll call me but they never do, but all I ever wanted was love from someone like you. The shouting, the beatings, the belt strap coming down on me relentlessly. I was put there by the caring system into a so-called civilised society. My happiest days of my life were in the children's homes, not with them that call themselves a family. Well, isn't that a fucking irony? All I ever wanted was love, all I ever got was hurt. The parasites of society took everything - my pride, my soul, even my shirt. We don't know what the future holds apart from death, either by natural causes or an overdose of meth. It's all a mystery, but mostly misery. No one cares, but then I don't want their sympathy. All I want is a peaceful life with the cat on my lap and a dog for walks and play, to throw a ball and fetch and help me forget my fucked-up life, if only for a day. To my biological mother, I've thought about you every month, every week, and still do every day. All I want to do is hold you and let you know it's okay. I know your life's not been easy with the parasites around you who would force you to do the horrible things you never wanted to do. I'll wipe away your tears of pain that you've been suffering for all these years. We have at last found each other. I now have a mother who now has her boy, who will take you away from life's misery and abusers and replace it with joy

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