The phone call -- Life and death. Thanksgiving ; Waiting ; A cancer far worse ; Till death do us part ; In pursuit of peace ; New year, new fear ; The strength of empty ; Hammer blows and houses that stand ; Un-Mother's day ; The Ford and the phone call -- Death and life. Popsicles, the park, and Jesus ; Counting the cost ; Love in the land of limbo ; La vita è bella ; No room ; Attached ; The grace of a rough draft ; Dying in the deep ; Lay it down ; Marker on my walls ; Until we're home -- Epilogue

An honest confession of a diagnosis of cancer and the joys and disappointments of motherhood and marriage, ripe with regret over what is and, yet, still hopeful for what could be. With enough humor to ease the rawness of the story, Cushatt takes the reader on a roller coaster two-year journey through the unexpectedness of life. A look back makes her long for a do-over; a look forward makes her wonder if all her attempts to control life have robbed her of the vibrancy of it