"The conversation about masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny has never been so prominent or heated. Alarmed by a new generation of angry, broken young men, genderqueer writer Jacob Tobia set out to explore what was going on and came to a shocking conclusion: emotionally and spiritually-speaking, men and boys may be the ones suffering the most under the gender binary right now. Jacob should know. For their gender-defying adolescent heart, the nonconsensual process of being "made a man" was crushing. After spending a lifetime fleeing manhood and masculinity, Jacob dares to ask the question: what happens if we stop understanding men as categorical beneficiaries of patriarchal institutions and start understanding them for what they are - co-survivors of patriarchy itself? In a series of personal and devastating essays, Before They Were Men argues that we must rewire our entire framework of feminism. A much-needed nonbinary intervention into a two-sided discourse gone stale, Jacob boldly posits compassion and empathy as the paradigm-shifting forces that will lead men - and us all - to a brighter future. Urgent, surprising, and at times, hilarious, they cover topics like: The unspoken body image issues and dysmorphia confronting men and boys. The difficulty of challenging a world that glorifies war, aggression, and the violence of men. The case for rethinking, and ultimately retiring, counterproductive terms like "Toxic Masculinity" and "Male Privilege.""-- Provided by publisher

Prelude -- Introduction: To the boys in the back -- Catcalls -- Don't you know that you're toxic? -- Child soldiers -- Rites of men -- Big dick idiocy -- Incelopathy -- Get fucked -- It's been a privilege -- Teeth -- The bunker -- Monster talk -- Epilogue: dear men -- Notes