A note from Paul -- Introduction: The collector -- Part 1: The old testament. I found a fire -- The box -- No photos. No parents -- Kevin McCallister could never ... -- Dying at Disney -- Weird Al is the devil's music -- Hulk -- The great escape -- Part 2: The new testament. Show world -- Middle school mogul -- Class act -- When I grow up -- Body jobs -- Meet-cute -- Scheer humiliations -- Will you marry me? -- Becoming Dad -- Ode to a minivan -- What's your problem -- My wing woman -- Epilogue: A.K.A. wrap it up -- How did this get made?

"From award-winning actor and comedian Paul Scheer, a candid and hilarious memoir-in-essays on coming to terms with childhood trauma and finding the joy in embracing your authentic self"--