Introduction: ...well, why don't I start? -- Oprah to nope-rah. What's in a N4me? ; How to win a television show ; Drivers ed in the Mars rover ; Comics without relief ; Who wants to smell a billionaire? ; How to lose a television show -- Friends in search of benefits. Destiny in a red one-piece bathing suit ; I'll have a virgin Zachary ; Something to offend everyone ; Hope, salad, and breadsticks ; Barking up the wrong tree house ; With apologies to Gene Shalit -- The learning curve of a late bloomer. Have a little faith ; The most magical life on Earth ; Game changer ; A wedding, two meat loaves, and a lobster funeral ; Grandma: the musical! ; The wurst and best of Berlin -- Conclusion: thirty candles

"Comedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: he botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and under-prepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole-rat of a boy blossom into a viral internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland.") Zach lives by the mantra: when life gives you wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his thirtieth birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains. If at Birth is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles, but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again, and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies.""--