If an astronaut farted during a spacewalk and neither sound nor smell is carried in a vacuum, did he really fart? This book will answer the question. Some packages say "Open here." What would you do if it said "Open somewhere else"? Why are they called "apartments" when they're all stuck together? Why do we say something we don't like "sucks"? Is sucking bad? Would you trust a proctologist with poor depth perception? What exactly are the duties of a rear admiral in the navy? Give a man a fish and he'll eat. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit on his ass in a boat all day. Pee for enjoyment, not employment! What would happen if a poisonous snake bit its own tongue? Why is lemonade made from concentrate while cleaning products are made with real lemon? If your coffee tastes like mud, maybe it was ground this morning. If you're in a vehicle going faster than the speed of light, what would happen if you turn on the headlights? If a new airport opened in Los Angeles, would the closed one be called "EX-LAX"? If it's zero degrees today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? If you live in a trailer at the top of a hill, are you upwardly mobile? If tweetle beetles battle with their paddles in a puddle and the puddle's in a bottle and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, what does that mean? Dr. Seuss was here! If you threw a hand grenade into a French kitchen, you would have Linoleum Blown-Apart. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else. This is the ultimate collection of conundrums, oxymorons, parodoxi, puns, valuable trivia, and general advice for living. Won't you join in the fun as the author takes you around the world of the bizarre, the unanswerable questions and their answers, crazy facts, punny puns, and axioms that will improve your life in a hilarious way

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