Letter to My Children -- Who's Who in the Cast -- Rue the Day -- "Drinking the Kool-Aid" -- Family-Friendly -- Have Children: The Condition -- Anti-Family -- I Confess -- Happy Days Are Here Again -- The Pharaoh and the Slave -- Vice President -- My Dad, the Professional Wrestler -- The Narcissist's Guide to Babies and Toddlers -- When Women Get Lazy -- Oh My God, You're Pregnant? -- Witchcraft -- Newbornland -- Dogfight -- Circumcision -- The Invasion -- Eat the Coleslaw! -- Toddlerhood -- The Evil Within -- Secrets and Lies -- A Critical Analysis of Children's Literature -- No Further Questions -- Bring in da Noise -- The People Who Live Under the Floor -- Monsters -- Nothing in Common -- Hotel New York City -- Vamanos -- Is It Too Soon to Start Dating Again? -- I'll Be Your Tour Guide -- Pale Force -- Learnin' Them -- A Self-Portrait -- Your Special Day -- Losing My Religion -- No Such Thing as a Free Babysitter -- How to Put Five Kids to Bed in a Two-Bedroom Apartment -- Negotiating with Terrorists -- My Former Bed -- Morning Has Been Broken -- Naps Are Payday Loans -- Get Married, Have Kids, Get Fat -- Hand-in-Mouth Disease -- We Need Bread -- You Win, McDonald's -- How Sweet It Is -- 'Tis the Season -- My Other Family -- Are You Done Yet? -- Six Kids, Catholic -- The Great White Baby -- The Mousetrap -- Picture This -- Snow Job -- On the Road Again -- Eskimo Pies -- You're Going to Miss This -- Acknowledgments

"In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who's best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children--everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers' communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four year olds ("there is no difference between a four year old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor"). Reminiscent of Bill Cosby's Fatherhood, Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home"--